TALKING PEOPLE UP, by Carl Owen

Talking People Up Now first off I want to say that you should not end a sentence in a preposition. In my defense the above is a title and not a sentence. To be absolutely correct, it is a fragment or an incomplete sentence. At any rate, my favorite daughter and my favorite son have heard me go on and on about not ending a sentence in a preposition. They certainly know the rule but occasionally I hear them slip (up). Ha ha. I have endeavored to teach them also that one should not use absolutes as there are usually exceptions to the statement containing an absolute. You will notice in the above paragraph, I used an absolute. In fact I used the word “absolutely” the most absolute of absolutes. This is so important that I would like to underscore by stating that one should never use absolutes ever. To give you an example: If you say that Mary always wears red then you can expect to see her soon without a speck of red. It is a given and it will burn you every time. Yeah, I kept some of the teachings in High School. People ask me sometimes: What happens if I do use an absolute or end a sentence in a preposition? My eyes roll back in my head and I tell them I shudder to think of the consequences that will befall them. But I digress. Another thing I was taught (obviously not to well) was to always get right into the subject matter that the story is about. But, if you have read some of my stories, you know that I take my time in getting to (not too or two Margaret) the subject of the story. I learned this from an English teacher who counted every word of book reports that were required to have 500 words. I once miscounted and ended up with 499 and a B instead of an A if only I had added another adjective or adverb. O.K. O.K. I can take a hint. So what is “Talking People Up”? It is a rare behavior pattern that I have used frequently over the years with a great deal of satisfaction. The first time I did it was in Japan when I was 19 years old and sporting a sailor uniform. The port of Yokosuka is a well- known port to sailors who have sailed the Vietnam waters or the Sea of Japan. After a 30-40 day stint of sailing off the coast of North Vietnam the carriers would often pull into the port of Yokosuka. I usually had a month or two of combat pay and flight deck pay in my pocket as I ventured forth into the town of Yokosuka. There was this on street devoted to selling gaudy things like silk jackets with dragons spouting fire or Lions and Tigers showing their teeth like they were pissed off about something. This street was called Thieves Alley and it is hard to stay away from if you want to collect some weird things like phony Rolex watches or Zippo lighters decorated with silver or gold skulls among other things. Also it was on the way to the enlisted men’s club called the Club Alliance. The Club had just about everything you needed after a long time at sea. They had excellent steaks and seafood and a bar where you could take your own bottle of whiskey and they would provide mixers and ice. You could exchange money or watch a movie there. Anyway, back to Thieves Alley. One day, I was on liberty with some other sailors from my Attack Squadron and we detoured through Thieves Alley on our way to the club. One of the most popular booths was the one selling the silk jackets with the pissed off dragons and tigers embroidered all over. We stood in line to buy a jacket and observed the process. A sailor would point to a jacket and say: How much Mamasan? The little wrinkled Japanese Woman would squint and say: For you today only $25.00. The sailor would say: I just want one not ten, that is too much. The little woman would stroke her chin and say: How much you give? The sailor would say $10.00 and then the little saleslady would slap her forehead and laugh and say: How about $22.00. The sailor would offer $15.00 and they would eventually settle on $20.00. After watching this haggling several times, it was finally my time. I picked out a jacket decorated to the max with pictures of aircraft carriers, battleships, dragons, tigers and various other gaudy decorations. I asked Mamasan: How much? She said today for you I sell that one for only $25.00. I offered 10 she countered with 22. I asked if she would take $20 and she said no, no, that is fancy jacket, I have to have at least 22. I made a show of counting my money and then asked: Would you take $24.00? Mamasan slapped her head and said I already said $22.00 just for you. I asked her: Well would you take $24.00 because that is all I have. She gave me such a puzzled look and then said O.K. I give to you for special price of $24.00 today only. I gave her the money and took the jacket. My squadron mates got a kick out of my haggling technique and we all enjoyed a laugh at the Club Alliance over a big T-bone steak and salad. Since then I have refined the technique and I always get such pleasure at watching the people that I talk up as they try to help me understand that I could pay less. But, I keep on until they finally agree to accept the higher price, usually a buck or two difference. I certainly get my money’s worth and I leave the merchant with a story to tell about the guy that talked them up on a product. Try my process at the next garage sale and you will get a kick out of the puzzled expressions. My Dad came to Oregon once he got out of Atlanta Prison and he was unfamiliar with the West Coast vernacular of pricing things at two bits, four bits, six bits, a dollar. He was buying some horse harnesses at a flea market and he asked the guy how much for a worn out bridal. The guy told Daddy that he had to have at least six bits for the leather bridal. My Dad shook his head and said: I won’t pay more than a dollar since it is worn out. He left with a smile and the bridal in his hand until my brother-in-law explained that six bits was only 75 cents. My Dad then stopped bragging about his deal of the day. I guess you could say I inherited the skill of talking folks up. I have to close with my library story. I missed the three day library book sale and I arrived as they were boxing up the books. I asked if I could look at the books still on the tables and they said go ahead. I picked out three paperback books. The signs in the library showed paperback books priced at 50 cents each or 3 for $2.00. I told the lady that I wanted the three books but I wanted to pay the individual price instead of the 3 book bargain. She asked why I wanted to do that and I explained that if I paid 50 cents each I would only pay $1.50 but if I used their bargain price for three that I would be paying an extra 50 cents. She was astonished and she said that throughout the 3 day sale no one had pointed that out. So, occasionally, I fail to follow my technique of talking people up. See if you can find all the preposition violations and any uses of absolutes. Have fun………..I do.