THE ROBOT AND ME

 

Some of you are old enough to remember when you would pick up the telephone and call a business and someone would pick up the phone and say: “Good Morning, How can I help you. Well, those days are gone. I promised Miz Vonda I would write this story.

 

Some smartass figured out that instead of hiring some cute receptionist to answer the phone, they could hire a Robot and pay a one-time fee. No paychecks needed to be cut every week or two weeks.

What is frustrating about this new AI bullshit is that no matter how pissed off you get with the robot, she just keeps on going and acts like she can’t hear you. But that’s because she can’t.

Sorta like being married.

Every once in a while, you encounter a problem with a bill, a prescription, an order , or something  else. So, you decide to call Customer Service.

Remember that phone call I told you about in the first paragraph. Well, times have changed there too.  Everybody including the illegals have phones now. I remember getting a toy phone for my daughter Margaret with musical buttons. Sometimes, she would call me and I would pick up the phone and pretend to answer her. Ice cream, no no no. You won’t eat your supper if I give you ice cream now. What are you crying about and so on.  Wrong number, wrong number. What! I’ll give you something to cry about.

 

Anyway, Before I bought her that toy phone, she didn’t talk. She was like three years old and other kids were talking way before that. One day, I fixed her breakfast, and she said: “The toast is burnt.” We were shocked. I said, “Why have you not talked before?????She said, up till now, the toast was OK.  Once she had that toy phone, she did not speak to me without calling first. I guess she had my number. You know that old saying, Give a woman a phone……….

Reminds me of the story about the guy who gave his blond girlfriend a cell phone for her birthday. She kept it with her all the time, even slept with it. Anyway, one day she went to Walmart with that OVESIZED purse and her cell phone.

She heard a ringing and finally realized it was coming from her purse. She finally got the phone out along with a bunch of makeup, keys and pills, a can opener, and a banana. She put the phone up to her ear and with a puzzled expression said: “Hello”  Hello said her boyfriend. Then there was a long silence, and the blond said: “How did you know I was at Walmart?

Anyway, back to my story, I can just see Miz Vonda shaking her head with that pretty smile of hers. I had to call customer service at VA about a prescription that I needed to have filled. Probably didn’t need the pills anyway but I have found wasted time is trying to talk a Doctor out of prescribing pills. Medical school now consists of only  Writing Prescriptions 101.

So, I calls the Customer Service Number on my pill bottle. The number given said it was the number for the pharmacy.

How surprised was I when the phone rang right away. But then this here Robot answered. I will try to recount some of our conversation and try to weed out some of the cuss words.

Good morning she says. Good morning says I. Your call is important to us. Yeah I just need a refill. Listen carefully to the following options as some of our options have changed. Then she goes off on the following.

Robot: Are you calling about our new benefit programs?

Me: No, I just need to get a refill on my pills.

Robot: If this is an emergency, hang up and call 911.

Me. No, I still have a few pills left, no emergency

Robot: If you are contemplating suicide say yes or press 1.

Me: No, Just need to get a refill.

Robot: If you are calling about our online help system press 2.

Me: just some pills please

Robot: If you want to speak in Spanish Press 3

Me: Pill refill Por Favor,

Robot: If you prefer Portuguese  Press 4

Me. Justa needa some pills pleaso

Robot: If you want to speak in Swahili Press 5.

Me: ugh, me no speak Swahili

Robot: If you need to speak to someone in the pharmacy press 6

Me, Shit yes I am pressing 666666666

Robot: I am sorry, I did not understand your response

Robot: Are you calling about our new benefits program?

Me: 666666666

Robot: I’m sorry, I did not understand your response.

Robot: Your call is very important to us’

Me: Could you transfer me back to the Suicide line?