The Giant Hoax Exposed

Having had some success with using anonymous names so as not to embarrass certain people, I will attempt to continue in that format.

You see I don’t want to embarrass my sister Vonda Lee who I have written about before and I don’t want to angrify her either since she recently came down from Montana and helped me renovate the White Girl’s Quilt room. She was a great help and I might need her help in the future so I will protect her identity and just refer to her as Miz Vonda. I hope someone does not figure out that Miz Vonda is really my sister Vonda Lee. If they do figure it out, I will chalk it up to their superior deductive skills and not to any deficiency on my part in trying to protect her identity in the following story.

So, Once upon a time I wrote a story about Miz Vonda and the “Second Thai Food Restaurant” in Kalispell, Montana. In my zeal to tell an interesting story, I might have, repeat might have exaggerated slightly to keep the story interesting. In the description of where she was wrrrrrronng about the second Thai Restaurant, I indicated that actual flames emitted from her eyeballs when in fact, it might have just been sparks instead of flames that set my favorite shirt on fire.

Anyway, after reading the story, Miz Vonda made a comment about getting even with me. At the time I did not understand what she was talking about. Whatever had I ever done to her to have her promise to get even?

Just recently, through superior detective skills, I stumbled upon a conspiracy, yes an actual plot by Miz Vonda and a co-conspirator who I will attempt to protect by assigning her a cover name of SIS. Well maybe, I should not use SIS because I have a sister who everyone calls Sis. Oh well, I don’t think anyone will make that connection. Word on the street is that my dear wife Anita agreed to assist the conspirators but that is simply beyond belief.

Anyway, Vonda Lee, I mean Miz Vonda called her sister who we will refer to as SIS in South Carolina in a small town named Easley and conspired to make up a story about me that if anyone believed it would do great damage to my tough guy reputation that I have spent years building up. Just ask my kids.

I found out that they were going to send a wildly exaggerated manufactured story to my favorite daughter Margaret about me having a cat. Now, Anita, the white girl owns three cats and of course they are around me a lot but I am not a cat person? She has the title on all three cats. I even have a recipe for catsirole. Anyway, a couple of times the white girl has asked me to feed the cats and to make her happy I have done so reluctantly. Sometimes, when I feed the cats they raise their backs up and touch my hand and if anyone not knowing the background saw this in a picture, they might jump to the conclusion that I was petting the cat. I know it is ridiculous and I only mention it in case Miz Vonda and SIS make allegations that I have actually petted a cat that you can see to what levels they are willing to stoop to and to what lengths they will go. I don’t know all the conspiracy so I have to attempt to protect my reputation.

I really don’t think my favorite daughter would even publish an obviously fabricated story but I have to put out all stops to alert the honest readers out there are aware that not everyone adheres to my strict adherence to truth, justice and the American way.

I have it on good evidence that while Miz Vonda was down here in Idaho helping me with the White Girl’s quilt room that she staged a phony photograph showing a cat in my lap. If this photo ever shows up in print then look closely and you will see I was sound asleep in my chair when they placed the cat in my lap and took a picture. Imagine them believing that any of my honest and faithful readers would not see right thru that.

Now another allegation that I discovered was the cat I supposedly have is named RZG. Well I confess that I did shorten the name of Anita’s cat which had the cumbersome name of Rosie Girl. I just invented the abbreviation to make it easier to communicate with the white girl about her cats. So RZG simply stands for Rosie Girl. Now as to the conspirators alleging that I call RZG “Daddies little kitty”, I did utter that phrase once or twice in a joking manner just to see Miz Vonda’s reaction. Also, RZG does follow me when I go to check my e-mail. But generally, when I tell her that she did not get any email she leaves. Well don’t believe these two sisters if they come out with this vastly over exaggerated story of me having a cat named RZG. I mean really. Who would believe such a thing? My advice to Miz Vonda and SIS is to stick to the facts and quit exaggerating and trying to ruin my reputation.