When
You Reach the End of The Road
There is always a beginning, a middle and an end. The
beginning is always the same. You come into the world and wonder what the hell
is going on. You start with a clean slate. What you write on that clean slate
is what you do with your life. The end comes quickly, and you are always surprised,
and everyone asks: How did the end come so soon?
You wake up each morning with a second gift from God.
The first is the breath of life. The second
gift is when you open your eyes and then the day is up to you. You can go to
work, go fishing, mow the lawn or waste time. There is a heartfelt song by Otis
Redding called “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay.” A significant end of the line
is “wasting time.”
As important as every moment of your life is, you
sometimes don’t put those moments to use because when you are young, you feel
as if the moments allotted are endless. But one day you wake and look in the
mirror and ask yourself, how did I get this old and where did the months and
years go?
Well, I can now feel the sand running out, I can see
the time I wasted. Reality sinks in and I know I can’t go back and do things
differently. At an early stage of my life, I began to love music and songs. I know
that the songs tell a story of happiness, love, lost love, lost chances, and
heartache. Some of the songs dwell on happiness like Roger Miller’s “Walking in
the Sunshine” or Buck Owen’s “Loves Gonna Live Here” There is Frank Sinatra’s “I
Did it My Way.” There is Merle Haggard’s “Today I started Loving You Again.” There are songs of Regret like Gene Watson’s “Farewell
Party” or the song “It’s My Party or “Turn out the lights, the parties over”
Unfortunately, a lot of the songs are about misery. There is a song for every
mood you might have. There are good old gospel songs like “Amazing Grace” and “How
Great Thou Art” . “I’ll Fly Away” is both a happy and a sad song. “Peace in the
Valley” is a hopeful song that will one day come true.
I became a workaholic and did not focus on the
important things in life. I was raised poor and proud. I had an unforgettable
family. My Daddy was a strong man with strong opinions, but he taught me to
help someone when and if you can. I have tried to help, and I have succeeded and sometimes failed. My
sister Estelle loved the Bible verse about the good Samaritan. A rich man whose
chances of getting to heaven were as slim as his ability to pass through the eye
of a needle. I bet he is there. My Mama grew up poor and she and her sister
Lola (nicknamed Monk) was courted by my Daddy and my Uncle Robert. Daddy made
whiskey with my Grandpa Edmond Chapman who married my grandmother Ethyl who used
snuff and was sometimes known to take a sip of whiskey to chase a cayenne pepper
she had just eaten raw. My preference was always a pickled cayenne with a bowl of soup beans and corn bread. My
brother Charles was the best fisherman in Frozen Creek until my brother Michael
took away his title. My Daddy had several witty sayings, and one was: “I
thought fish was brain food, but Charles proves that wrong” Charles wrecked his
Harley Davidson Motorcycle and had to wear dresses until his skinned hide grew
back.
My brother Edgar loved Science Fiction books and beer.
He loved music also and often asked me to play “My Favorite Memory” and “Picking
Flowers on the Hill” My brother Gerald loved the song “Listen to the Rhythm of
The Falling Rain” Charles loved “White Silver Sands” and “Wildwood Flower” My brother Harold loved “Now and then There’s
a Fool Such as I” My brother Michael and I used to sing “ Thinking Bout Things”
My Sister Estelle’s favorite song was “When Will I Be Loved” My sister Vonda
loved “Satin Sheets” and “I’m Not Lisa” along with “Life Turned her That Way”
Howard loved the song “White Lightning”. My brother Brian loved the Southern
Rock Bands “Alabama and Oak Ridge Boys” My sister Thelma loved the old Gospel
tunes such as “ Further Along” and “Amazing Grace” . Mama loved the
instrumental tunes and put up with my first song “Tom Dooley” which I played
until everyone was sick of Tom Dooley. My Daddy loved old ballads such as: “Knoxville
Girl” and “Hangman Hangman” “Keep on the Sunny Side” “Cheer up my Brother” and
one of my favorites, “Swing Low Sweet Chariot” He often sat on the back porch
and sang those old songs. My sister, Sis,
loved songs by Billy Joe Royal and Mel McDaniels. She has such an amazing
talent as an artist. I hope she does not cut off one of her ears.
It took me several years to get over my Mamma’s death.
I just could not believe that I had lost the one person who I knew for sure
loved me. I was stuck in grief for many years/ That is why I don’t want any of
my family to grieve over me and go though the customary rituals of a funeral or
a stone on the hillside. I want my family to accept my wishes when my time on
earth is over. My wishes are to be cremated quickly and my remains given to the
Navy to be scattered at sea. A simple
Military service and one rose will do. My belief is that when you are born that
God gives you your first breath of life and when you die, your last breath
releases and frees your spirit. I hope that my spirit will soar after death and
be able to travel this world in the blink of an eye. If someone wants to have a
memory of me, just look up and wish me fair winds. I don’t believe in family
members having any obligation to visit a marker in a cemetery and feel sad. My
Daddy sang a song, “Don’t send for me no flowers when just a rose will do” If
anyone wants to have a ritual, visit the sea, and toss as rose into the brine.
Hold on to only good memories cast away any bad ones. Don’t grieve me.
Hopefully, I have left a good memory for you
to think back on. Don’t spend too much time as the song “Sitting on the
Dock of the Bay” says “wasting time.
I hold such dear memories of growing up, traveling the
world, and plucking on my old guitar. My regret is I did not spend as much time
with my family as I should have. I never believed in the word “Love” when I was
younger but when I was younger, I was foolish.
Live your life to the fullest and help others when you
can. I hope my daughter, Margaret Rose will read the verse “There is a Time for
Everything” when I go. I want my son,
Kyle Edward, to think of all the good times we had together, especially the
horse track and our laughs together. We loved our jokes and our puns.
If I am able, I will check in on everyone now and
again.
With Love,
Carl